Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Office Etiquette For The Xmas Lunch

This is written by my brother, Paul. I loved it, so I thought I would share it with you.


I thought a recent article in the Management Today magazine was particularly relevant to upcoming events. An extract of the article is below for your reference.

If you are thinking of bailing out of the Christmas lunch for any reason, think again!  This is a strict no-no.

Other things to consider to make our function enjoyable for all:

.               No swearing
.               No public hugs or kisses
.               No drunken behaviour
.               No long or foreign words such as ‘faux pas’
.               No fancy dress (reindeer antlers acceptable)
.               No admission that you follow a footy team from another state

In addition to the above, there has been talk in the media about employees slagging off their bosses during or after a Xmas do on social networking sites. These persons were obviously intoxicated at the time and had little regard for their long term employment prospects.

Based on our previous Xmas party experiences and the obvious need to avoid behaviours outlined above at all costs I have decided to implement a number of strategies which have been designed to mitigate these risks.
1)      I have ordered a number of lengths of material (in appropriate Christmas d├ęcor) to be worn around the head specifically over the oral region by high risk staff only. These are to be kept in place at all times except for short periods whilst eating. That should stop any swearing or at least reduce it to an inaudible mumble.
2)      Each staff member will be required to wear a proximity device that will sound an alarm when there is a risk of a public hug or kiss.
3)      Drunken behaviour will be mitigated by high risk staff being allocated to the ‘alcohol free’ area of the dining table and the venue staff have been advised not serve persons wearing the bright orange wrist bands.
4)      Football is not to be mentioned at all – it is the off season for goodness sake!
5)      All mobile phones will be confiscated prior to lunch and posted to you the following week

Right, that should cover all the bases, but it does mean that only a few cultured individuals will be up one end the table and landed with the heavy burden of making stimulating and appropriate conversion for the duration of lunch. A small price to pay to ensure that safety of all concerned.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very, very safe and happy Christmas lunch ;-)

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